When someone first sees my daughters (and doesn't know me well) they ask the 'twin question;' "Are they twins?" Once this is answered and out of the way (yes), I am almost always asked one of three questions.
1. Are they identical or fraternal. (Identical)
2. Are their personalities alike?
3. Do they get along?
When the girls were babies, I couldn't go more than three steps in a store/mall/etc. without being stopped; "Oh, twins? How cute. How old?" At one point, I was certain that I had a sign on my back that read, "Please, stop me and ask me anything you want about my babies!" Friends and family members who spent any amount of time with us will attest to the fact that I am not exaggerating--at all. My mother thought that we should have t-shirts designed, which read: "Yes, we are twins. We are (?) weeks old and, yes, we are identical."
As my babies grew into toddlers and then little girls and then sprung freakishly quickly into their tweens, the twin question was asked less and less. While some people say it is because they stopped dressing alike, I maintain that it is more likely because they went from smiling, cooing, infants to ...well...teenagers.
At fifteen, Melanie and Mandy do have very similar personalities. They both have a great sense of humor, though Melanie's humor is much dryer than Mandy's. Mandy, however is much faster with a clever (or insulting) comeback. Some days, Melanie is the leader-- more outgoing, more assertive and other days, it's Mandy. While Mandy favors comfort over fashion, don't be fooled by her casual style; like her sister, she is a slave to Hollister, Abercrombie and American Eagle. Melanie will wear shorter shorts than Mandy but she won't wear a bikini at the beach, whereas Mandy will.
The girls get along as well as can be expected and, like all siblings, they have their ups and downs. We have days of arguing and slamming doors followed by weeks of closed doors, whispered secrets and late night giggling. Lately, with glimpses of the future and discussions of college, it's become clear that these wombmates will, likely, be college roommates--if Melanie has anything to say about it. These days, Mandy seems to be more of a free-spirit, she talks of going away to school with Denver top on her list as of late. She doesn't talk about going to college "with" her sister-- it's all about just going to college. But Melanie has stood firm in her college plans: To go wherever Mandy goes.
It is talks about college and growing-up that send me into a tailspin. I am not anywhere near ready and I can give myself a panic attack just thinking about it. On days when the girls are out and about, I walk through their rooms imagining what it will be like not to have them "living" at home. I imagine their closets emptied, their beds made but unused for months at a time. I wonder what it will be like when Melanie stops asking for a horse for her birthday and Mandy no longer has stuffed animals piled on her bed. This glimpse into the future leaves me lonely and sad. And, just as I am wiping away tears, I see the pile of wet towels on the floor and remind myself that having them grow-up isn't all that bad. However, I am not ready for them to be too grown-up; I am still getting used to the fact that they've stopped referring to me as "mommy," and have taken to calling me "mom" and, when they are upset, "mother" or "Shana."
Lately, I've been shunned from certain conversations. I am not allowed to know what Mandy and her boyfriend talk about. I am not welcome to hang out with the girls and their friends, unless I am playing chauffeur. I won't lie and say that I am happy about these changes. I am struggling with that big transition between adolescence and young adulthood. I yearn for certain things--small hands, little giggles, crocodile tears that only I can kiss away. And, at the same time, I am feeling a bit more freedom with each passing year and beginning to remember what my early twenties were like (before children).
This life stage; the rite of passage between adolescence and young adulthood, is complicated for everyone-- most of all for Melanie and Mandy. I know this because I witness it everyday; sometimes, it's arguments, other times, it's tears and often it's both. I see them struggle with leaving behind parts of their childhood (video games and "playing") and watch them as they take on more young adult challenges (college courses in high school). I do not encourage them to choose their direction; I know that they will do it in their own time. I do what it most difficult--- I watch and wait, my breath held, my mind lingering between the memories of my little girls and the dreams I have for their future.
And, just when I am certain that my babies have moved into the next, slightly older, stage of their life, Melanie reminds me that she has a birthday coming up and her request makes me smile and breathe a sigh of relief. "Mom, for my birthday, I want a horse...and my nose pierced."
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