1. Denial "It CANNOT be time to return to work."
2. Anger "Dammit, it is time to return to work."
3. Bargaining "If I go back today, I can call in sick tomorrow."
4. Depression "I am going to die here at work, what's the point of working on this stuff?"
5. Acceptance "I am here today, I may as well do some of this stuff."
I will trudge through the day like I do almost every Monday. However, after a holiday weekend, it always takes me a minute to readjust my thinking and re-familiarize myself with the paperwork I left behind...Afterall, my four-day weekend started last Thursday evening. How am I expected to remember who I spoke with, which applications I approved or what missing documentation I requested last week? I cannot even clearly recall the last 24 hours...My mind is a haze of fireworks, wine, picnics and parties.
I do, however, clearly remember that sinking feeling of returning to work, which set-in sometime yesterday evening (maybe that is when the denial started?). Dan asked me what was wrong and I said the same thing I do almost every Sunday evening, "I don't want to go back to work." Now, it isn't as though I want every day to be the 4th of July or anything. And, my job is neither hazardous nor horrible; but it is a job and it requires me to be in the office from 8-4:30 and to report to a "boss," which is exactly what I want to escape. Perhaps, I spend too much time dreaming of my escape? Afterall, I've made dreaming a daily practice. My favorite dreamed-up alternatives to my current job always involve me being my own boss and doing something I truly enjoy! I've put a lot of creative thought into not-so-jobby-jobs that would allow me to have fun and earn money. With all of my dreaming, I've come up with my own "Top Ten" business ventures I know I would enjoy...
1. Dans le Vase---> Any french majors out there? Dans le Vase is french for "In the Vase." I love that this store name incorporates my husband's name, though I don't know how happy he would be about this... Dans le Vase would be a flower and gift shop; what could be better than being surrounded by flowers every day??
2. Lolli-Properties---> A real estate office; my motto would be "There's a sucker born every minute." While the name of my office really does need some work and the motto probably sends the wrong message to potential buyers, a real estate office in my small hometown does place high on my list.
3. Something Old, Something New---> This would be a father-daughter venture. My father's antiques (he has four + barns full of them) and a selection of newer items (think scented candles, painted signs and country linens).
4. Shots by Shana---> A business all about photography (something I truly enjoy!). In addition to a small, quaint studio, I would frame my work and sell it at flea markets. I would, also, offer a service to Realtors--shooting properties and creating virtual tours.
5. Gift-Getter---> This idea came to me one evening when a friend's husband ranted, at length, about how much he hated having to shop for gifts for his wife. When I gave some thought to it, I realized that I'd heard many, many people complain about the very task I enjoy most--shopping! I could shop for and/or create custom gifts, gift baskets, etc. and deliver them exquisitely wrapped to a paying customer.
6. Blogger---> This is relatively new on my list, but I've learned that some people, organizations and companies actually PAY people to blog. This is one of my recent, "Ooooh Wow!" jobs.
7. It's My Party---> This would be a paty-packaging service for children's themed birthday parties, complete with custom-printed invitations! While this makes my top ten list, the sustainability factor isn't good because I live in a rather small, impoverished city. Nevertheless, it is on my list.
8. Freelance Writer---> Unfortunately, I would be facing the same issue I did with the sporadic paycheck thing, so this is lower on my list.
9. Bumble Bee B&B---> Perhaps, the most unrealistic on the list, I would purchase a big, old country house and open a B&B. I say most unrealistic because this involves, quite possibly, the largest amount of start-up capital. But since this is MY top-ten (dreamed-up) list, I am free to add this idea.
10. A combination of several of these ideas!
I am confident that dreaming is what makes returning to work bearable and what keeps life interesting. I'm not sure what life would be like without my dreamed-up top ten list. I am sure some would argue that I would be more satisfied with what I do have. However, I don't think so. I think that I would be boring and my life would be boring. I identify with Langston Hughes' thoughts of life without Dreams,
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
I have no desire for my life to be as tragic as a broken-winged bird, unable to fly, just flopping about on the ground, waiting to die or as boring, empty and desolate as a barren field, frozen with snow, so I dream...
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